Indifference

A co-worker and I have begun a retreat. A month long retreat that, fortunately, we don't have to go anywhere to participate in. We have, for three whole mornings now, been meeting on my front porch to pray a focused prayer based on the meditations of Ignatius Loyola.

The second day my need for indifference struck me. It was defined so very well:
"it is necessary that I remain indifferent to all created things as far as I am allowed free choice and as far as God does not prohibit me from choosing them. Consequently, for my part I do not will health more than sickness, riches more than poverty, honor more than dishonour, a long life rather than a short life, and so for all other things, but I will desire and choose only those things that lead me to the end for which I was created, that is, to love God."

"This fundamental indifference is a difficult yet critical way of looking at things. It must be understood in the light of the Gospel: to be indifferent means placint the love of God before every other love and every other aversion."

It is important to not regard this as apathy, a lack of concern or insensitivity. We can still have horror of sickness and death, but yet love them because they are God's will for me. I related this to what I have learned of idols. An idol is a perfectly good thing that we love more than God, or a joy that we seek to fulfill apart from God. I think that this is the indifference Loyola wants us to have. We pursue what we love, but always as secondary to our love of God.

"it is God's will that 'I am' and that I strive toward being, for myself, for others and for the world more of what I am. At the same time, however, when the will of God is that I fail, that I become less important, or that I die, indifference enables me to accept failure, setback, death as a mysterious success"

"God is everything for me; apart from Him whatever is created is nothing."

Powerful words and thoughts. Everything created is secondary to Him. Everything created is nothing without Him. My work, my life, my ministry, my family, all of it- I must be indifferent towards in comparison towards my love of God.

Your thoughts?

Yahoo!

I... Have a girlfriend. We've been dating about a month and a half, she's really awesome, and things are going great.

I also have a nephew now! Go check out Brady the Pirate at www.angieandjason.blogspot.com or follow the link on the right ----------------->

My niece is hilarious

Uncle Jeff-Jeff: So Addie, know any funny jokes?
(without missing a beat)
Addie: One time, Gracie threw up all over the car.

That kid has brilliant comedic timing.

So... it's been a busy month...

Saw Ange today. She yelled at me for not updating my blog. Ok, not yelled but it has been a month or so. My job at the church rocks. I really enjoy working with the staff there and the work I'm doing. In the last month I've learned about how to run our software, entered the budget, made policy decisions about finances, entered contributions, learned payroll, accounts payable, taxes for ministers, managing membership profiles, etc. It's some pretty epic stuff.

I'm still looking for some additional part time work to supplement what I get from the church. I've applied a bunch of banks and the zoo. Yeah, the zoo needs some sort of Audit Teller for part time work. I mean, hey, it's the zoo.

Found out my sister's having a boy. I finally get a nephew. I love all of my nieces, but I'm very excited to have a nephew. I got him a onesie with a Jolly Roger on it from www.piratemerch.com. It's the most adorable little hardcore thing I've ever seen. Brady the Pirate will be awesome. Not much else going on.

And the final insult is...

Met the new personal banker for the 123rd branch yesterday. This is a position that I had applied for and never got an interview. Not only is it an outside hire, which is insulting, they also got the guy from Champion's Run Country Club, and he's had no banking experience. It took all of me not to walk out yesterday. I'm just worried about all the places I apply at calling here and getting a bad report from the bank here. Because it's clear to me that they think very little of me here at the bank. Had to keep in mind what our assistant pastor Doug wisely said. He said leaving with grace was more important than when I started at Core, since the bank knew I was leaving to work at a church. It's a good point, and a good thing to do. But as I've said before, good things are often a pain in the butt. Last bank day today!

I got a raise!

...and then I asked them to cut my hours.

Let me esplain. For the last few weeks I've been talking with my church, Core Community about first being their administrative coordinator and then when I had an initial interview with Doug, our new assistant pastor, he mentioned the financial coordinator was open as well, and asked if I would be interested. After a few interviews and such they offered me the positions, 15 hours a week as Administrative and Financial Coordinator. I've accepted and am attempting to get down to thirty hours a week so I can work the job at Core, keep my benefits at the bank and work enough so I don't have to starve. If the bank can't give me the schedule I need... there are other banks in town. I'm even famous now. Check my picture here.

Update: The bank won't let me drop to 30 hours, so I gave my notice. Core is far more important to me than a replacable bank job.

The Battle for Shangri-La

Last night, Dave, Don and I (we're roommates) were watching Chuck on the interwebs using my computer. The door leading up to the finished section of our attic is directly across the landing from my room. We've had a critter in the unfinished portion of the attic and we'll hear him moving around or squeaking, but always through the walls and such. Last night we heard a squeak traveling through the medium of air instead of walls or floors.

So we freak out a bit. We all move towards the stairs, I stop, go to the longsword that I have beside my bookcase. I draw it, and lead the way upstairs. I make a racket, turn on the lights that go up the stairs. We hesitate at the small landing, attic lightswitch just out of reach with my arm and my sword. I hold my postition at the stairs while Don and Dave are grabbing weapons. Don gets his War Club (a metal-studded piece of wood) and declares us ready. I tell him to grab me a shield. He barrels downstairs, grabs three shields and his Falchion (a sword primarily used for chopping that is very sharp) and tosses Dave his club. So Dave is at the foot of the stairs with the War Club and a shield, I'm at the top of the stairs with my sword and a shield. Don is on the landing with me with sword and shield. We move up.

I'll tell the rest of the story after I handle this busy stretch at the bank.

And we're back!

So we move up. Don and I with swords in hand, shields strapped to our arms. We get halfway up the steps and I'm able to reach up and hit the lightswitch. The room is flooded with light and we see...

potential. There are boxes piled up on the left side of me. That side is also closer to the board that is the door between the finished and unfinished portions of the attic. There are less boxes on the right side of the room. There is also a chewed up thing in the middle of the room. Some little curtain hanger. Don watches the left side of the room for movement while I poke around the right side of the room with my sword to see if the little varmit is in there. Nothing.

I sweep to the left side. I put down my shield and begin picking up boxes with my sword at the ready to see if he's hiding behind anything. At one point I'm picking boxes up behind the wall for this closet area that happens to also be three feet from the unfinished attic. I startle and yell, "Oh, CRAP!" and then, "Just kidding!" Dave yells a disapproving "Dude!" from downstairs and Don assures me I almost got impaled in the thigh. They weren't terribly impressed. He's nowhere in the attic.

We find a catch and release trap in up there and we set it up. It's broken, so we're not overly convinced it's going to work, but we decide we'll put it in there anyway. Don readies the trap, I stand with the door blocked, ready to take the board away, gently set the trap in (the trap and door are each about a foot wide) and take out my hand and replace the trap. The trap is set. I pick up the trap, pull the board away, put the trap in there. Immediately, it springs. We can't tell if it sprung because there's a critter in it or it just went off by itself. We rig up a light to see inside the attic and see that it just set itself off. After a couple more tries we finally get it in and set up.

We set the board back up and stack these heavy wood boxes that Don has in the attic up so they are blocking the board. Then I put a bunch of tubs behind those and between the two things they stretch the four feet across the closet.

We plan on allying ourselves with an extermination service to complete our victory. It was an exciting night.